Game Over

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DISCLAIMER:

1.What is true for me may be false for him, and what is true for him may be false for me. There are always two sides of the story and this is mine

2. I am not here to start an issue. This is my personal space to vent out things I want to say

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I started blogging when I was in high school, and I've had an on-again-off-again relationship with it. For months now, I have wanted to write about certain things but I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do because I was afraid it would open up a whole era of issues.

I honestly don't know how to begin this entry without leaving you in a roller coaster ride of emotions. I am finally giving myself the chance to vent out personal things I've been wanting to say.

Have you been in a long-term relationship that you felt it will last forever?

Have you ever felt fulfilled and content with someone?

Have you pictured yourself wearing a wedding gown while walking down the aisle, and your other half waiting on the other side?

Have you foreseen the two of you having a happy family, living in a simple house?

I have. I felt and dreamt of all of these.

But the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life was not there to fulfill it. That would be the saddest part of the story.

I had my almost 6-year relationship end. I must say that it was, I guess, a promising one. Personally, this one is for keeps. We may not have the same personality but we make it to a point where we compromise with everything. We do fight a lot about petty things, just like any other couple. But honestly, I was more of the dominant one. I like to do things my way. Ako na susunod lagi, Ako lagi. He doesn't even complain that much about it. He was a great partner. He was always with me.

We traveled A LOT. I guess I brought out the adventure/jet setter person in him. He is a very confined person: what you see is what you get. He is funny and easy to get a long with.  My friends never had a hard time hanging out with him.

  

I know you are wondering how it ended when everything looked so great. Was there a 3rd party involved? Did someone cheat? Was it more of a personal problem? Was either one of you falling out of love? Who initiated the breakup?

In every relationship there are highs and lows, a feeling when in an instant, you just had enough. I can't disclose every detail that would freshen up the wound, but to cut the long story short -- I fell out of love, and had someone else 2 weeks prior our breakup.

Was there a third party?

Yes, I humbly admit. I am no saint, and I'm not pretending to be one. I'm not cleaning my hands off this, and I'm cleaning out my closet. But just so everyone knows, I wasn't the first one who did. At least I have the strength to admit it. I'm not playing "victim" all the time.

How did it happen? Was it more of a personal problem?

  

I tried to stick around for him, in every one of his problems, in all ways possible. I knew I was always beside him, gave my two shoulders for him to lean on. But as I giving my all, I was also becoming weak and ended up losing myself. I was being dragged down. We had financial issues, living-in issues, and a lot more. With all these, I knew it was going to be our end. I just had enough. I know I gave my all. I was tired. I was not me anymore. My personality changed; it worsened. I was not the jolly person most of my closest friends knew.

 As I lost myself in this journey with him, I found myself seeking solace from someone else. It may not be an acceptable beginning to a great love story, but it was what I needed. The happiness I was longing for in that long-term relationship, I found that in someone else. 

I know that for you this is cheating, sure. I understand this is very unconventional and I'm not trying to justify it because why try? I've already admitted hundreds of times before, and I've already been called names. And I don't care. Love me or hate me, for me, my cheating on my ex was my way out from a sayang-matagal-na-dapat-hindi-mag-break-kahit-pagod-ka-na kind of relationship. There will come a time in your life where you outgrow people, relationships, and good memories to start a better life with someone better. I have learned so much in this relationship. I have changed my ways, and attitude as well. Most importantly, not everything is about love, sometimes it is about finding your happiness and making yourself go there. Even if you have to burn bridges to the people close to your heart. No matter how much is at stake. Take the risk. You may not know if the grass is greener on the other side.

I don't have regrets in this relationship. We had a long journey together, and everything in it is now a bittersweet memory that I will cherish. You can throw stones at me, but let me ask you first... have you no shame? 

If you ask me now if that someone and I are still together? Yes, we are still together. Happily together. I found my light.

:)