WHY MARRY?

Ken and I announced our wedding in a manner that surprised everyone. Many of our friends and some relatives asked us WHY?

Why are you getting married  so soon? Did he propose? When did he propose? Are you guys really sure? Are you pregnant? Is he/she really the one you really want to get married to? How did this happen; your father just died and you are getting married?

These are just a few of the questions we were asked. In the first moments of the interrogation (because that’s truly how it felt at the time), we answered patiently and honestly. It was a bit insulting, and I quickly grew tired of repeating the same answers. I even thought about drafting a response and just sending it to anyone who asked. Then it hit me—why do I need to explain myself? Does everyone really need to know my personal business? 

Well, one year into our marriage, here, let me answer your questions.

When we got together in 2018, we were inseparable. Like most new couples, we couldn’t get enough of each other. That same year, we opened our vape shop, and spending 24/7 together made us even closer. I stayed at his place for about three months, but then I asked him to move in with me since my house was closer to our shop, and I was constantly worried about my mom, dad, sister, and dogs. Although my time with his family was brief, I cherished every moment and was truly grateful for how they welcomed me into their home. I consider myself lucky to have no issues with my in-laws, and I have to mention that I have the best mother-in-law ever—she’s super cool and kind!

Eventually, Ken moved in with us. During that time, my dad fell ill, we lost Prada, and soon after, my dad passed away. My world was falling apart, and I was far from okay. But Ken was always there for me. I know it sounds cliché, but he was literally the shoulder I cried on. He listened to all my rants and heartaches, allowing me to express the frustrations that I had been keeping inside. As time passed, my heart began to heal, my mindset improved, and I regained control of my emotions. My mom, sister, and I grew stronger, and we slowly started to move forward with our lives.

As we settled into living together, my mom asked if we were really okay with the arrangement. As a mother, she was naturally concerned about what others might think. Marriage wasn’t something we had planned on so soon, but after almost a year of living together, we realized it was time to take our relationship to the next level. And honestly, it was the best decision we ever made!

Both of our mothers were on board with the idea! My mother-in-law, who is half Chinese and half Filipino, shared a family belief with us: after a parent’s passing, you either get married within 100 days to avoid bad luck, or you have to wait another two years. That gave us even more reason to go for it! Why wait two years when we could get married within 100 days? My family is also superstitious, so we didn’t question it or back out. Sure, we knew some people might raise their eyebrows, but we honestly didn’t care. We’ve always known it would be each other at the end of that aisle, so why not now?

We checked our calendars, counted exactly 100 days, and set our wedding date for the 100th day, which fell on a Saturday—October 12, 2019. It couldn’t have been a more perfect day to get married.

I still remember how excited my mom was! She kept sending me links to church wedding packages and tagging me in wedding-related posts on Facebook. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and it made me so happy too! Who wouldn’t be excited with all that love and support?

To those who still wanna know, here:

There was no proposal, and I was not pregnant when we planned our wedding :)

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and it’s not just about the wedding day or the titles of "wife" and "husband." Those are just labels. After a year of being married, I’ve realized how much effort and responsibility both partners need to put in to make a marriage work. Beforehand, we were told by elders, seminars, the internet, and even the gospels to be patient, to give and take, and to be understanding—those are important, of course. But once you’re married, everything changes. You change, he changes, and so do the circumstances. Real married life is so much more than what you see in movies and TV shows. Love is a huge part of a strong marriage, but adjustment and respect are even bigger pieces of the puzzle.